My zeal for lesson planning has been amplified. I feel like finishing those books inspired me to actually try doing things.
I kind of realized (or consciously came to terms with) that I never really do much of anything to my full potential (or even close), except maybe singing or taking pictures. Maybe. But anything else that I do, such as teaching, I feel like I only do it half-ass most of the time. I think it's because my brain is so fidgety. It's not that I want to do things not-to-the-best-of-my-ability, it just happens that way because I'm so easily distracted. Probably also because I'm depressed and I don't see the value in it sometimes. But it's always so much better, in every aspect, when I allot something the amount of mental and physical, and, well, emotional energy that it deserves.
Strangely enough, private teaching is different. One-on-one I definitely give it my all most of the time. I think something is lost in a group for me, some kind of connection. Maybe it's because I absorb the spirit of another person (whatever that means) when I'm one-on-one with them, but with a class it doesn't work so well because I'm trying to connect with each individual and it turns out I'm not connecting with the class as a whole.
Also, I'm never prepared. At least not as prepared as I would like to be, as prepared as I should be. It causes a whole lot of stress, because it's like I have to get myself out of a situation 25% of the time. Usually I know what I'm going to do but I always adjust for really no reason, but I tell myself that it's for a good reason. I wonder why I do all this crap. Probably because I'm not really very healthy and I'm trying to dog it out on my own. Fair enough.
I also shy away from written material. Like, I'd rather make up my own little things than use others', and it's a really stupid approach to take. Clearly I have almost no experience and should first familiarize myself with what's out there before venturing into making my own material. Even though I have a knack for it, I need to be able to build lessons around these little ditties I write, not just teach them to the kids.
I guess it comforts me that the experienced teacher who was giving the workshop I attended in August said that she learned everything by trial and error. I guess I'm in that time now, but I have a lot more resources than she did in the early 80s. But that doesn't mean it's going to be smooth sailing for me for a while yet. And I don't ever really want it to be, to be honest. I want to learn from the kids all the time. But there is a certain level of comfort, and of confidence that I want, that I don't have yet.
Let's hope I'll find out how to do that this year.
I kind of realized (or consciously came to terms with) that I never really do much of anything to my full potential (or even close), except maybe singing or taking pictures. Maybe. But anything else that I do, such as teaching, I feel like I only do it half-ass most of the time. I think it's because my brain is so fidgety. It's not that I want to do things not-to-the-best-of-my-ability, it just happens that way because I'm so easily distracted. Probably also because I'm depressed and I don't see the value in it sometimes. But it's always so much better, in every aspect, when I allot something the amount of mental and physical, and, well, emotional energy that it deserves.
Strangely enough, private teaching is different. One-on-one I definitely give it my all most of the time. I think something is lost in a group for me, some kind of connection. Maybe it's because I absorb the spirit of another person (whatever that means) when I'm one-on-one with them, but with a class it doesn't work so well because I'm trying to connect with each individual and it turns out I'm not connecting with the class as a whole.
Also, I'm never prepared. At least not as prepared as I would like to be, as prepared as I should be. It causes a whole lot of stress, because it's like I have to get myself out of a situation 25% of the time. Usually I know what I'm going to do but I always adjust for really no reason, but I tell myself that it's for a good reason. I wonder why I do all this crap. Probably because I'm not really very healthy and I'm trying to dog it out on my own. Fair enough.
I also shy away from written material. Like, I'd rather make up my own little things than use others', and it's a really stupid approach to take. Clearly I have almost no experience and should first familiarize myself with what's out there before venturing into making my own material. Even though I have a knack for it, I need to be able to build lessons around these little ditties I write, not just teach them to the kids.
I guess it comforts me that the experienced teacher who was giving the workshop I attended in August said that she learned everything by trial and error. I guess I'm in that time now, but I have a lot more resources than she did in the early 80s. But that doesn't mean it's going to be smooth sailing for me for a while yet. And I don't ever really want it to be, to be honest. I want to learn from the kids all the time. But there is a certain level of comfort, and of confidence that I want, that I don't have yet.
Let's hope I'll find out how to do that this year.
posted by Julie at 14:24
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